mind games

The mind is a funny thing. The more we crave for change, the more our heads resist, resorting to conjuring images and sounds of the past, stuff we want to put behind us. Memories are surprising, it jumps at you when you least expect it. An 'onslaught'. Now that's a word that feels just right. From the Dutch 'aanslag', to slay. Memories do that. They do that. Always violent, even the good ones bring you to tears. Especially the good ones. Deceptive shape-shifters too, they erase, modify parts and bring up a whole new thing you think are yours. They are and aren't all at the same time.  


Why do walks down the pier bring to mind bright orange-fire sunsets on the Corniche? I've never seen sunsets like that before or since.


And why do memories of sunsets lead to memories of long drives through the desert to Ruwais or Al Liwa and you wonder if you were seeing things - were those sand dunes or a brown river? 

Why does early fall in New York remind you of specific December mornings in Bangalore, sipping a filter coffee under a jacaranda tree?

Why does staring at an aisle full of Pepperidge white, whole wheat, challah breads, and the umpteen other brands and types create a longing for a time when buying bread was simple? All you had to do was tag along with mom as she threw a Modern Bakery's white sandwich bread, and Lupark Danish butter. Not the million varieties of Landolakes - salted, unsalted, sticks, cubes, quarts, spreadable (spreadable?? sounds like a STD) etc..And what's with that american indian mascot on the package? (I first thought it was a picture of Nataraj. Now I remember to wear my glasses when I go shopping).


See what violence memories induced by grocery shopping cause to the gut?

Anyway, tonight seems to be the night for memories, memories that a few glasses of whiskey awakens, and a bottle of vodka hopes to put to rest. But don't discount the music. Just compound the memories as the night grows older.

Brain Damage, Coming Back To Life, Fallen, Ordinary World, No More I Love Yous, Nothin' Else Matters, the list seems endless, and the images... i should stop. dammit I still have demons in my room at night... and they're feeding on my resistance.

It's going to be a really long night.