Wednesday, December 07, 2011
Life Lesson
There is only one reliable way to find out about a relationship: test it to destruction.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
The Black Hole
People think depression means a diminished capacity to feel. It is in fact a heightened sense of reality. A certain look, a word, the silence, everybloodything means something, it is a virtual flooding of the neural circuits - to the point of shorting the mains. And since your brains can't blow up completely, certain functions get affected, and it seems most of the time it is the motor function. Ever wonder why when you are depressed you get these amazing thoughts (ok depressive ones, but oh so expressive), but you just can't write them down?
It is a constant state of being... on. Something. Sleep is impossible with all that sensory information overload. Even emptiness (or what people confuse with an absence of feeling) is an actual abyss, with color (pitch black) and sound (silent). The apathy results from being overwhelmed, so you lie in bed all day and night. Or if it hits you while you were on your feet, you keep walking till you collapse. If you were working, you will keep at it. Nothing spectacular will happen, just a vague tiredness. Thoughts never translate to words, or actions. If you try, it's slurred speech, shuffling feet.
And sometimes this...
It is a constant state of being... on. Something. Sleep is impossible with all that sensory information overload. Even emptiness (or what people confuse with an absence of feeling) is an actual abyss, with color (pitch black) and sound (silent). The apathy results from being overwhelmed, so you lie in bed all day and night. Or if it hits you while you were on your feet, you keep walking till you collapse. If you were working, you will keep at it. Nothing spectacular will happen, just a vague tiredness. Thoughts never translate to words, or actions. If you try, it's slurred speech, shuffling feet.
And sometimes this...
The trick is to keep moving on that plane where there's a slight dip in the intensity, just enough so you don't lose the feeling, and you can pick up a pen and write (or whatever works) about it at the same time. The trickier part is to stay sane while embracing madness. But isn't madness just too much sanity?
Yes, confusions and bad judgements are some side-effects. Please talk to your doctor before deciding to stay in the hole.
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
Tripping
Being born on the wrong side of the 70s meant that you missed out on the golden era of rock 'n' roll and subversive movies, and grew up on 80s pop (and cheesy movies). Means you missed everything of consequence. More so if you grew up alone and your folks idea of music was limited to vinyl records of Boney M and Abba, and Ira Sankey hymns.
Still, it was the glory days of analog recorded magnetic cassette tapes... the TDKs and Maxwell tapes in C60, C90 formats. And being born in the 80s meant you had fingers small enough to untangle them when they got screwed up from repeated rewindings and forwards.
You're only hope for musical salvation was the radio, with dear old (!) Richard Coram on Dubai FM 92 playing the then golden pop hits - Feargal Sharkey with a Good Heart, A-Ha (Take On Me, Cry Wolf), Madonna (redemption came with Like a Prayer, understanding what/ why she was so peppy in Like a Virgin came much later). As it turns out, my musical education persists to continue in this reverse trend.
(In retrospect, I would now like to thank Mr. Coram for contributing to my musical sensibilities - after all he/ Dubai FM did provide slots for Kasey Kasim's American Top 40.)
So while George Michael pranced to Monkey, and Tiffany wondered if she were alone now (or then), and Belinda avowed that heaven is a place on earth (seriously?), a few gems crackled on the speakers with Queen's I Want it All being the (re)quest for the rest of my life. Of course, all this was not strictly linear, after all, at that age, you're bound by the fact that you had only two choices - FM 92, FM 93.5, and all music listening was limited to parental whims, sibling rivalry/ adoration, and whatever was offered by the DJ on shift. And the DJs, were they on drugs... Why else do you think they played Power of Love, Part-Time Lover, Would I Lie to You, Let's Make Lots of Money, I Should be So Lucky, Walk Like an Egyptian, and Help at 12am and then reverse the order at 3am? And I was deluded into believing this was MAGIC.
By the way, having an older sibling did not help much other than to tune the radio to the right channel. Georgie, Madonna, Kylie and Jason, BROS (what happened to them?), A-ha was all her, I just absorbed large quantities of da-da-da -da data by default.
But again, I would like to thank my sis for teaching me three chords and S&G's Boxer and Mrs Robinson. No thank you for the Carpenters. And I don't know whether gratefulness is required for Jefferson Starship's Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now.
And as much as most people relate the 80s with pop, there were awesome rock bands - Firehouse, Queensryche, Skid Row, Motley Crue, and the other bands with / without umlauts, and all with tremendous hairdos.
As the 80's synthesized its way into the 90s, the pop scene burst at the seams with the introduction of the boy band - New Kids on the Block. So shoot me, but I was 9 or 10ish when Right Stuff and Hangin' Tough were out... and this was something I discovered with no help. And I was young, and they were cute and young.. and though today it makes my skin crawl, it was one of those things. I did prefer Pet Shop Boys' music, but I don't think Neil Tennant stopped any girl's heart even when he sang about it. And to make this clear, I know all the lyrics to PSBs If and Actually albums, and not just NKOTB's 5 step program. And how can I forget UKs Take That and East 17. Or Chicago. Aah the 90s. Move over Richard Coram, MTV is here to take you on a joyride. And video did kill the radio star. (Apparently this was the first video aired on MTV in 1981, we in the Emirates got it in 89 I think. And it was the time when MTV actually played music).
All this very belated arrival of media contributed to late exposure to everything that is great - and time came when Roxette tapes were moved to make way for Def Leppard, Dire Straits, Bon Jovi, and many jagged little pills. CDs were still expensive, though the cassettes now had fancy hardcovers to prevent heat damage and that insidious whitish substance that grew on the tapes.
It is a rite of passage, taking apart the tape, spraying ear buds in your mom's Chanel #5, or dad's Old Spice, and carefully clean the tapes, then wind them correctly, and put it all back together... parents, note - this is a form of discipline all 10 year olds should be subjected to, cleaning tapes, tape deck heads - what better way to teach patience, diligence, motor coordination and other stellar qualities to a hyperactive kid, no?
Why all this useless meandering you don't ask? Don't.
But there is a pecking order. And it goes like this the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift.... there should be a moratorium on all versions of that song (excluding Jeff Buckley's). Never mind. So a lame attempt at a correlation graph - song / album release year versus my knowledge of it's existence. Of course this trend would hold true for those born after 1971. I say 71, cuz that I believe was the golden year of music - after all Stairway to Heaven was released then - it's the 40th anniversary on November 8th. 1971 was charmed - consider the songs released that year:
Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin
Imagine - John Lennon
LA Woman - The Doors
Behind Blue Eyes - The Who
A Horse With No Name - America
You've Got a Friend - James Taylor
Aqualung - Jethro Tull
Me and Bobby McGee - Janis Joplin
American Pie - Don McLean
I Feel The Earth Move - Carole King
Morning Has Broken - (Artist formerly known as) Cat Stevens (I just had to include this for the paranthesis)
Must I go on? Yes. I have been told that I have approval need issues. Whatever. Just check out the movies of 1971.
A Clockwork Orange
The French Connection
Dirty Harry
Love Story
Fiddler on the Roof
Panic in Needle Park
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
All this from the top of my head, no googling, god promise.
And you see I have a pretty eclectic taste in things, no biasing between rock and ballad, chase movies, musicals and chocolate drownings. See, no judging. So proud.
See what I mean about the 70s? And this was the beginning of the bang that sang the end. To think I was not even a possibility at that time is so... upsetting.
Dude, where is my graph? Okay, let me describe it to you. x-axis: Year/Band, y- axis: Year/Heard. Ok, this is not working. I am still upsetting about skipping a generation, living it 10 years too late, including all that free love and drugs, not so free but well-wrapped, textured, and whatever now. And despite this being the great digital age, because this is the digital age, I miss not having my tape deck, and really upset about not needing a modernistic shelf for records, cassettes, even CDs. So bloody upset. UPSET. And bored. Of Beiber on my radio, and other 2 second inane songs they seem to churn out by the minute these days.
Off.
Still, it was the glory days of analog recorded magnetic cassette tapes... the TDKs and Maxwell tapes in C60, C90 formats. And being born in the 80s meant you had fingers small enough to untangle them when they got screwed up from repeated rewindings and forwards.
You're only hope for musical salvation was the radio, with dear old (!) Richard Coram on Dubai FM 92 playing the then golden pop hits - Feargal Sharkey with a Good Heart, A-Ha (Take On Me, Cry Wolf), Madonna (redemption came with Like a Prayer, understanding what/ why she was so peppy in Like a Virgin came much later). As it turns out, my musical education persists to continue in this reverse trend.
(In retrospect, I would now like to thank Mr. Coram for contributing to my musical sensibilities - after all he/ Dubai FM did provide slots for Kasey Kasim's American Top 40.)
So while George Michael pranced to Monkey, and Tiffany wondered if she were alone now (or then), and Belinda avowed that heaven is a place on earth (seriously?), a few gems crackled on the speakers with Queen's I Want it All being the (re)quest for the rest of my life. Of course, all this was not strictly linear, after all, at that age, you're bound by the fact that you had only two choices - FM 92, FM 93.5, and all music listening was limited to parental whims, sibling rivalry/ adoration, and whatever was offered by the DJ on shift. And the DJs, were they on drugs... Why else do you think they played Power of Love, Part-Time Lover, Would I Lie to You, Let's Make Lots of Money, I Should be So Lucky, Walk Like an Egyptian, and Help at 12am and then reverse the order at 3am? And I was deluded into believing this was MAGIC.
By the way, having an older sibling did not help much other than to tune the radio to the right channel. Georgie, Madonna, Kylie and Jason, BROS (what happened to them?), A-ha was all her, I just absorbed large quantities of da-da-da -da data by default.
But again, I would like to thank my sis for teaching me three chords and S&G's Boxer and Mrs Robinson. No thank you for the Carpenters. And I don't know whether gratefulness is required for Jefferson Starship's Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now.
And as much as most people relate the 80s with pop, there were awesome rock bands - Firehouse, Queensryche, Skid Row, Motley Crue, and the other bands with / without umlauts, and all with tremendous hairdos.
As the 80's synthesized its way into the 90s, the pop scene burst at the seams with the introduction of the boy band - New Kids on the Block. So shoot me, but I was 9 or 10ish when Right Stuff and Hangin' Tough were out... and this was something I discovered with no help. And I was young, and they were cute and young.. and though today it makes my skin crawl, it was one of those things. I did prefer Pet Shop Boys' music, but I don't think Neil Tennant stopped any girl's heart even when he sang about it. And to make this clear, I know all the lyrics to PSBs If and Actually albums, and not just NKOTB's 5 step program. And how can I forget UKs Take That and East 17. Or Chicago. Aah the 90s. Move over Richard Coram, MTV is here to take you on a joyride. And video did kill the radio star. (Apparently this was the first video aired on MTV in 1981, we in the Emirates got it in 89 I think. And it was the time when MTV actually played music).
All this very belated arrival of media contributed to late exposure to everything that is great - and time came when Roxette tapes were moved to make way for Def Leppard, Dire Straits, Bon Jovi, and many jagged little pills. CDs were still expensive, though the cassettes now had fancy hardcovers to prevent heat damage and that insidious whitish substance that grew on the tapes.
It is a rite of passage, taking apart the tape, spraying ear buds in your mom's Chanel #5, or dad's Old Spice, and carefully clean the tapes, then wind them correctly, and put it all back together... parents, note - this is a form of discipline all 10 year olds should be subjected to, cleaning tapes, tape deck heads - what better way to teach patience, diligence, motor coordination and other stellar qualities to a hyperactive kid, no?
Why all this useless meandering you don't ask? Don't.
But there is a pecking order. And it goes like this the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift.... there should be a moratorium on all versions of that song (excluding Jeff Buckley's). Never mind. So a lame attempt at a correlation graph - song / album release year versus my knowledge of it's existence. Of course this trend would hold true for those born after 1971. I say 71, cuz that I believe was the golden year of music - after all Stairway to Heaven was released then - it's the 40th anniversary on November 8th. 1971 was charmed - consider the songs released that year:
Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin
Imagine - John Lennon
LA Woman - The Doors
Behind Blue Eyes - The Who
A Horse With No Name - America
You've Got a Friend - James Taylor
Aqualung - Jethro Tull
Me and Bobby McGee - Janis Joplin
American Pie - Don McLean
I Feel The Earth Move - Carole King
Morning Has Broken - (Artist formerly known as) Cat Stevens (I just had to include this for the paranthesis)
Must I go on? Yes. I have been told that I have approval need issues. Whatever. Just check out the movies of 1971.
A Clockwork Orange
The French Connection
Dirty Harry
Love Story
Fiddler on the Roof
Panic in Needle Park
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
All this from the top of my head, no googling, god promise.
And you see I have a pretty eclectic taste in things, no biasing between rock and ballad, chase movies, musicals and chocolate drownings. See, no judging. So proud.
See what I mean about the 70s? And this was the beginning of the bang that sang the end. To think I was not even a possibility at that time is so... upsetting.
Dude, where is my graph? Okay, let me describe it to you. x-axis: Year/Band, y- axis: Year/Heard. Ok, this is not working. I am still upsetting about skipping a generation, living it 10 years too late, including all that free love and drugs, not so free but well-wrapped, textured, and whatever now. And despite this being the great digital age, because this is the digital age, I miss not having my tape deck, and really upset about not needing a modernistic shelf for records, cassettes, even CDs. So bloody upset. UPSET. And bored. Of Beiber on my radio, and other 2 second inane songs they seem to churn out by the minute these days.
Off.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Indigo Girls - Beacon Theater, Oct 13, 2011
Now I feel for those people who have to write a review on events the minute after they're done. For people who have those kind of writing jobs. I feel sorry for them and at the same time, am also in awe - that some of them do it real well, give an impartial feedback, and write a spade a spade. I am also amazed by people who know exactly what they feel and are able to write about it well. I know a couple of acquaintances who could write a 1000 word literary analysis in 20 minutes flat. These are the people who have fun the rest of the time and crank out a thesis paper in just one night and graduate magna cum laude. I for one can't even write a yelp review about what I ate last night at a new restaurant (which I didn't).
So this is quite an chore. But as part of my recent self-imposed self-disciplining, and month of doing things other than destruction, this is going to be it. Also, this is the first time ever I went to Beacon Theater, so now that's crossed off my bucket list. Should've instead gone to see Donald Fagen of Steely Dan, or Dream Theater the previous night, but meh, tix were beyond me after taxes. And I'm saving for the Evanescence concert. The sacrifices we make. Life sucks.
But a change nonetheless. (Always wanted to use 'nonetheless' in a sentence.) Ok, enough putting off the actual review part.
Hmm. Not bad for a couple of middle-aged, homely ladies. I got into Indigo (i.e., heard their songs) only a couple of years ago, when I realized I had no 'happy-ish' songs in my collection, songs you can have a good time playing on your stoop and have people stop by and sing along. (other than Plastic Jesus). And I don't like country music. Folksy ballads I can take for 2 hours at a stretch, which I did last night. But hey, it is pretty amazing how synchronized their guitar playing is. And how you can still sound real good minus drums. Perfect harmonies, great acoustics. Not the foot stomping kind of music, but melodies you can sit and listen to in those plush seats. No pressure to stand up all the time and wave your hands. Just sit and clap (though that reminds me of being in a Southern Baptist church). And sip a cocktail, while looking at the chord changes (yes I was right in front, orchestra center). That's the point. An evening of relaxation, which again, self-imposed, trying not to give in to the urge to keep moving. Sure I could've stayed home, kicked up my feet and listened to Velvet Underground all night, but then I do that everyday.
Now I liked the singing, the guitar playing, they sounded real good- just like on the record if you have a good sound system. And quite fun in a quiet way, without the raging, or death wish lyrics. Amy Ray's alto blends real well with Emily Salier's sweeter tone, but then we all know that. They played a couple of songs from their new album Beauty Queen Sister - a strange (boring) song about horses or whatever (Feed and Water the Horses I think), another about their neighbor John, and the title (eponymous) song. Maybe more. Oh one song I can't recall - they resolved it like 4 times, each time the audience clapping, and they started over - so when the song actually got done, people hesitated. What a riot! (in my head of course). You shouldn't make asses of people who pay hard-earned money to see your show, either be good at creating anticipation and the unexpected, but don't trick them. Anyway, their old hits drew people to their shuffling feet - Hammer and Nail, Get Out the Map (now that was good), Shame on You, and some more that I don't know the names of. And of course they ended the show with Closer To Fine. Tamaam, as my folks would say.
Overall, a good show which didn't drive me to do whatever I'm driven to do. As expected.
Now I see I didn't mention anything about the opening band Shadowboxers. Well... kind of pop-ish, but again good harmonizing. Nothing got stuck in my head, and the audience's response was...American. Tepid, correct, polite.
So that's it. About the show. About the theater itself, well, it's ornate and pretty. Excellent acoustics. Water costs 5 bucks. Martini was $19. Well, it's not everyday you go there.
So this is quite an chore. But as part of my recent self-imposed self-disciplining, and month of doing things other than destruction, this is going to be it. Also, this is the first time ever I went to Beacon Theater, so now that's crossed off my bucket list. Should've instead gone to see Donald Fagen of Steely Dan, or Dream Theater the previous night, but meh, tix were beyond me after taxes. And I'm saving for the Evanescence concert. The sacrifices we make. Life sucks.
But a change nonetheless. (Always wanted to use 'nonetheless' in a sentence.) Ok, enough putting off the actual review part.
Hmm. Not bad for a couple of middle-aged, homely ladies. I got into Indigo (i.e., heard their songs) only a couple of years ago, when I realized I had no 'happy-ish' songs in my collection, songs you can have a good time playing on your stoop and have people stop by and sing along. (other than Plastic Jesus). And I don't like country music. Folksy ballads I can take for 2 hours at a stretch, which I did last night. But hey, it is pretty amazing how synchronized their guitar playing is. And how you can still sound real good minus drums. Perfect harmonies, great acoustics. Not the foot stomping kind of music, but melodies you can sit and listen to in those plush seats. No pressure to stand up all the time and wave your hands. Just sit and clap (though that reminds me of being in a Southern Baptist church). And sip a cocktail, while looking at the chord changes (yes I was right in front, orchestra center). That's the point. An evening of relaxation, which again, self-imposed, trying not to give in to the urge to keep moving. Sure I could've stayed home, kicked up my feet and listened to Velvet Underground all night, but then I do that everyday.
Now I liked the singing, the guitar playing, they sounded real good- just like on the record if you have a good sound system. And quite fun in a quiet way, without the raging, or death wish lyrics. Amy Ray's alto blends real well with Emily Salier's sweeter tone, but then we all know that. They played a couple of songs from their new album Beauty Queen Sister - a strange (boring) song about horses or whatever (Feed and Water the Horses I think), another about their neighbor John, and the title (eponymous) song. Maybe more. Oh one song I can't recall - they resolved it like 4 times, each time the audience clapping, and they started over - so when the song actually got done, people hesitated. What a riot! (in my head of course). You shouldn't make asses of people who pay hard-earned money to see your show, either be good at creating anticipation and the unexpected, but don't trick them. Anyway, their old hits drew people to their shuffling feet - Hammer and Nail, Get Out the Map (now that was good), Shame on You, and some more that I don't know the names of. And of course they ended the show with Closer To Fine. Tamaam, as my folks would say.
Overall, a good show which didn't drive me to do whatever I'm driven to do. As expected.
Now I see I didn't mention anything about the opening band Shadowboxers. Well... kind of pop-ish, but again good harmonizing. Nothing got stuck in my head, and the audience's response was...American. Tepid, correct, polite.
So that's it. About the show. About the theater itself, well, it's ornate and pretty. Excellent acoustics. Water costs 5 bucks. Martini was $19. Well, it's not everyday you go there.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
the door's open, but the ride it ain't free...
I promised myself a post on the Boss. Or rather a song of his that every one in their right and wrong minds should know the lyrics to: the classic Thunder Road.
The thing about thetruly greatest songs (or any other work of art for that matter) is that they draw us in and place us right in the middle of all the action, make us a part of it, we are in it, we are it. In Thunder Road, Springsteen is not just singing about his dreams, his love, or imploring his friend, it is our promises, and hopes that he is vocalizing.
The Born to Run album is definitive Springsteen - a masterpiece, and for all its heartache, it is so full of hope, unlike his later introspective and working-class-themed albums. Guess it is the youthfulness of it all. Happiness after all is just being with a girl/boy, having a car, and an open road. Let later albums (and growing older) question the direction of it all...but there's no need to think about that now,... right?
Thunder Road is the classic anthem for the dreamer, lover, and escapist in all of us. It is the opening song of the album, and is kind of like its vision statement. It asks of us a simple, yet crucial question 'Are you willing to take a chance?', and carries a hope, and sometimes urges, that we hold on to the dream -
'Well the night's bustin' open, these two lanes will take us anywhere
We got one last chance to make it real
To trade in these wings on some wheels'
This is a restless song, this is the yearning of youth, on the borderline of adulthood, wanting to grow up and escape, but still holding on to youthful aspirations - taking only the guitar, the car, and his girl on the journey. Yes, the only things that matter.
(So, what is in your backpack?)
And only Springsteen can make you see how simple and how incredibly hard it is to take that chance - in his phrasing of just a word:
'And my car's out back if you're ready to take that lo- -onng walk
From your front porch to my front seat
The door's open but the ride it ain't free...'
The lyrics are devastating, romantic, and encapsulate you in its redemption, the dream of a promised land that's at the end of this road. And all the fears that come with it, 'so you're scared, and you're thinkin' maybe we ain't young anymore'. Oh yeah...
For without risks, there are no rewards. And there is that promise of a better tomorrow, but no time to waste:
'You can hide 'neath your covers and study your pain
Make crosses from your lovers, throw roses in the rain
Waste your summer praying in vain for a savior to rise from these streets'
'All the redemption I can offer, girl, is beneath this dirty hood
With a chance to make it good somehow...'
Everyone knows what it's like to have these dreams, whose hearts we break to get there, the desperation of knowing, and not knowing. There are layers within the words that you get to glimpse with every listen, it's a fluid storyline, what you see depends on where you are on this journey. The lack of specificity in these beautiful lyrics makes this song not just Springsteen's, this is your song.
There were ghosts in the eyes of all the boys you sent away
They haunt this dusty beach road in the skeleton frames of burned-out Chevrolets
They scream your name at night in the street
Your graduation gown lies in rags at their feet
And in the lonely cool before dawn
You hear their engines roaring on
But when you get to the porch they're gone on the wind,
So Mary climb in
It's a town full of losers, I'm pulling out of here to win
If that's not poetry, I don't know what is.
The thing about the
The Born to Run album is definitive Springsteen - a masterpiece, and for all its heartache, it is so full of hope, unlike his later introspective and working-class-themed albums. Guess it is the youthfulness of it all. Happiness after all is just being with a girl/boy, having a car, and an open road. Let later albums (and growing older) question the direction of it all...but there's no need to think about that now,... right?
Thunder Road is the classic anthem for the dreamer, lover, and escapist in all of us. It is the opening song of the album, and is kind of like its vision statement. It asks of us a simple, yet crucial question 'Are you willing to take a chance?', and carries a hope, and sometimes urges, that we hold on to the dream -
'Well the night's bustin' open, these two lanes will take us anywhere
We got one last chance to make it real
To trade in these wings on some wheels'
This is a restless song, this is the yearning of youth, on the borderline of adulthood, wanting to grow up and escape, but still holding on to youthful aspirations - taking only the guitar, the car, and his girl on the journey. Yes, the only things that matter.
(So, what is in your backpack?)
And only Springsteen can make you see how simple and how incredibly hard it is to take that chance - in his phrasing of just a word:
'And my car's out back if you're ready to take that lo- -onng walk
From your front porch to my front seat
The door's open but the ride it ain't free...'
The lyrics are devastating, romantic, and encapsulate you in its redemption, the dream of a promised land that's at the end of this road. And all the fears that come with it, 'so you're scared, and you're thinkin' maybe we ain't young anymore'. Oh yeah...
For without risks, there are no rewards. And there is that promise of a better tomorrow, but no time to waste:
'You can hide 'neath your covers and study your pain
Make crosses from your lovers, throw roses in the rain
Waste your summer praying in vain for a savior to rise from these streets'
'All the redemption I can offer, girl, is beneath this dirty hood
With a chance to make it good somehow...'
Everyone knows what it's like to have these dreams, whose hearts we break to get there, the desperation of knowing, and not knowing. There are layers within the words that you get to glimpse with every listen, it's a fluid storyline, what you see depends on where you are on this journey. The lack of specificity in these beautiful lyrics makes this song not just Springsteen's, this is your song.
There were ghosts in the eyes of all the boys you sent away
They haunt this dusty beach road in the skeleton frames of burned-out Chevrolets
They scream your name at night in the street
Your graduation gown lies in rags at their feet
And in the lonely cool before dawn
You hear their engines roaring on
But when you get to the porch they're gone on the wind,
So Mary climb in
It's a town full of losers, I'm pulling out of here to win
If that's not poetry, I don't know what is.
Sunday, October 09, 2011
The road to recovery...
...is hardly paved, so when you fall, you break a lot of bones. And lose heart. Just don't take it out on your guitar. Use it to pave the way with songs. Bring along the songs, and let them carry you when you feel like you can't go on.
So here's the companion list for the long walk on this dust road. These songs make me stop thinking about everything else, and just listen...there's a newness in every listening. It's all about the beat, the melody, the riffs, the voices, emotions, and of course the words... So over to the Recovery List:
1. Bang Bang - Cher
Now this is a kick ass song though most people know the more mellow, yet ethereal cover by Nancy Sinatra used in the Kill Bill soundtrack. Cher gives this song a wildness, a wounded tiger quality.
2. Because the Night - 10,000 Maniacs
I like this version of Springsteen's / Patti Smith's original, Natalie Merchant conveys frustration, longing even, and some form of victory...something I can't define. Springsteen deserves a separate post. And yeah, the song's sexy.
3. Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve
Though I should be listening to "The Drugs Don't Work".
4. Rolling in the Deep - Adele
Wow,...this song makes me want to dance. Or throw things around. Strange song to dance to? For me dancing is foot stomping with a bit of head bobbing. So there.
5. As Tears Go By - The Rolling Stones
Simple melody, beautiful string arrangement, just lovely. A ballad that is kind of unexpected by the Stones.
6. Fallen - Sarah McLachlan
You'd be better off not listening to this one. But it reminds you of why you are here in the first place. This song is addictive, and may (or for sure) make you slip. So if you give in, it should be immediately followed by something more upbeat. Like Bruno Mars' Lazy Song for instance. Even if it's not your style.
So now I've to categorize the songs based on: 1. Must listen 2. Songs to avoid 3. To learn. Hmm..
#1 and #3 will take up a good 4 hours of your time everyday. These are the same 4 hours you would be under intense craving for substances. And now that the days are getting shorter, it is crucial to make this a habit before the dead of winter hits you.
I have now started listening to 'epic' songs - long drawn out music that tells a story either through the lyrics or creates one in your head - a kind of sonic image theater. There are also rules on how to listen to concept albums and such. First make a pot of coffee, black. Pour coffee into favorite mug.Turn on the music system or iPod, set to maximum volume. Lie down, wrap yourself in a warm blanket. Play song, slowly sip coffee, close your eyes (now this could cause some spillage now and then if you're a beginner). But close your eyes and soak in the music. This can also be done in the bathtub (without the blanket of course) if you have a bathtub. I don't. Coffee drinking in the bath is possible if you can make yourself a cap-coffee dispenser.
Anyway, In the Court of the Crimson King is an album by the King Crimson that needs to be listened to, in the closed eyes, coffee'ing way. Released sometime in 1969, this album is considered to be one of the best progressive rock albums, mixing jazz and classical elements into the standard rock/blues themes. Don't ask me what the songs are about, I haven't made sense of it yet, and actually don't want to. There are a lot of colors though, yellow jesters, purple piper, gray mornings, black queen, and 'Crimson King' of course... Well-worth your time. And someone who likes this, would obviously like Pink Floyd. And even if Meddle and Ummagumma is not everyone's cup of tea, it still shows a band's willingness to go down (or up) a musical curve. Even if they are experiments in sound with common household objects. After all, it led to The Dark Side of the Moon. So why complain?
Oh and need I say anything about David Bowie? And yes, the Yes. Queen. Guns 'N' Roses.
Another album I've been listening to is Scheherezade and Other Stories. Again progressive rock, 1975, by the band Renaissance (Annie Haslam). You really don't know when one song ends and the next one begins, so there is a bit of confusion regarding the parts. Listen to Trip to the Fair (10.5min), and Ocean Gypsy (also covered by Blackmore's Night).
For lyrical stories about the working class, Springsteen is the man, and his E Street band. His Born to Run album is the best ever in my opinion. Thunder Road, Jungleland just resonate... ok I've been listening to Thunder Road on repeat for the past week (and am right now). The live version with Melissa Etheridge (another great singer) is simply awesome - the harmonies are just perfect, their voices blend so well. Only Springsteen can sing in a higher key to accommodate Etheridge's range and still sound great. I was going to dedicate another post on this song... the lyrics, the music. I still might.
Another album to listen in its entirety is the Beatles Abbey Road - their last album, and the best in terms of structure, with the classic 16 minute Medley - I think there's about 18 measures of guitar solo, the first two bars by McCartney, followed by Harrison, then Lennon, then the sequence repeated twice. Very distinctive styles of playing ending with the memorable line... 'and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.' This is also the album that Alan Parsons worked on as the sound engineer, before he moved on to Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon and his own work. About DSOM, what's to say that's not been said?
On further thought, this list needs to be further classified into Albums, Singles, Bands and so on, and I still wouldn't be able to compile everything. Gives me reason to keep writing about it as and when I listen to stuff, and oh learn to play some of the favorites on my guitar.
And no Sting, I haven't forgotten you.
So here's the companion list for the long walk on this dust road. These songs make me stop thinking about everything else, and just listen...there's a newness in every listening. It's all about the beat, the melody, the riffs, the voices, emotions, and of course the words... So over to the Recovery List:
1. Bang Bang - Cher
Now this is a kick ass song though most people know the more mellow, yet ethereal cover by Nancy Sinatra used in the Kill Bill soundtrack. Cher gives this song a wildness, a wounded tiger quality.
2. Because the Night - 10,000 Maniacs
I like this version of Springsteen's / Patti Smith's original, Natalie Merchant conveys frustration, longing even, and some form of victory...something I can't define. Springsteen deserves a separate post. And yeah, the song's sexy.
3. Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve
Though I should be listening to "The Drugs Don't Work".
4. Rolling in the Deep - Adele
Wow,...this song makes me want to dance. Or throw things around. Strange song to dance to? For me dancing is foot stomping with a bit of head bobbing. So there.
5. As Tears Go By - The Rolling Stones
Simple melody, beautiful string arrangement, just lovely. A ballad that is kind of unexpected by the Stones.
6. Fallen - Sarah McLachlan
You'd be better off not listening to this one. But it reminds you of why you are here in the first place. This song is addictive, and may (or for sure) make you slip. So if you give in, it should be immediately followed by something more upbeat. Like Bruno Mars' Lazy Song for instance. Even if it's not your style.
So now I've to categorize the songs based on: 1. Must listen 2. Songs to avoid 3. To learn. Hmm..
#1 and #3 will take up a good 4 hours of your time everyday. These are the same 4 hours you would be under intense craving for substances. And now that the days are getting shorter, it is crucial to make this a habit before the dead of winter hits you.
I have now started listening to 'epic' songs - long drawn out music that tells a story either through the lyrics or creates one in your head - a kind of sonic image theater. There are also rules on how to listen to concept albums and such. First make a pot of coffee, black. Pour coffee into favorite mug.Turn on the music system or iPod, set to maximum volume. Lie down, wrap yourself in a warm blanket. Play song, slowly sip coffee, close your eyes (now this could cause some spillage now and then if you're a beginner). But close your eyes and soak in the music. This can also be done in the bathtub (without the blanket of course) if you have a bathtub. I don't. Coffee drinking in the bath is possible if you can make yourself a cap-coffee dispenser.
Anyway, In the Court of the Crimson King is an album by the King Crimson that needs to be listened to, in the closed eyes, coffee'ing way. Released sometime in 1969, this album is considered to be one of the best progressive rock albums, mixing jazz and classical elements into the standard rock/blues themes. Don't ask me what the songs are about, I haven't made sense of it yet, and actually don't want to. There are a lot of colors though, yellow jesters, purple piper, gray mornings, black queen, and 'Crimson King' of course... Well-worth your time. And someone who likes this, would obviously like Pink Floyd. And even if Meddle and Ummagumma is not everyone's cup of tea, it still shows a band's willingness to go down (or up) a musical curve. Even if they are experiments in sound with common household objects. After all, it led to The Dark Side of the Moon. So why complain?
Oh and need I say anything about David Bowie? And yes, the Yes. Queen. Guns 'N' Roses.
Another album I've been listening to is Scheherezade and Other Stories. Again progressive rock, 1975, by the band Renaissance (Annie Haslam). You really don't know when one song ends and the next one begins, so there is a bit of confusion regarding the parts. Listen to Trip to the Fair (10.5min), and Ocean Gypsy (also covered by Blackmore's Night).
For lyrical stories about the working class, Springsteen is the man, and his E Street band. His Born to Run album is the best ever in my opinion. Thunder Road, Jungleland just resonate... ok I've been listening to Thunder Road on repeat for the past week (and am right now). The live version with Melissa Etheridge (another great singer) is simply awesome - the harmonies are just perfect, their voices blend so well. Only Springsteen can sing in a higher key to accommodate Etheridge's range and still sound great. I was going to dedicate another post on this song... the lyrics, the music. I still might.
Another album to listen in its entirety is the Beatles Abbey Road - their last album, and the best in terms of structure, with the classic 16 minute Medley - I think there's about 18 measures of guitar solo, the first two bars by McCartney, followed by Harrison, then Lennon, then the sequence repeated twice. Very distinctive styles of playing ending with the memorable line... 'and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.' This is also the album that Alan Parsons worked on as the sound engineer, before he moved on to Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon and his own work. About DSOM, what's to say that's not been said?
On further thought, this list needs to be further classified into Albums, Singles, Bands and so on, and I still wouldn't be able to compile everything. Gives me reason to keep writing about it as and when I listen to stuff, and oh learn to play some of the favorites on my guitar.
And no Sting, I haven't forgotten you.
Fighting for sanity
Anybody under the influence knows how difficult it gets to quit something that makes you feel good. But there comes a time when that feeling passes and progresses to something quite sinister. A question that has no right answer is whether Hyde is the true nature of Jekyll or the other way round. Both or neither? Is someone's nature in-built, or carefully cultivated, or something that can be razed to the ground and rebuilt over and over?
Why do people use drugs or alcohol as a litmus test to pass judgement on someone's behavior? Is it fair to use these substances as the casting vote for a character test when it's a fact that they have a detrimental effect on a person?
Guess if you are a kinder, better person when you are high. Though the possibility of that is slim if such a possibility exists at all.
I believe the worst drug there is is alcohol. Because it is legitimate, socially acceptable, and it actually kills brain cells. In addition to ruining relationships. Which leads to further indulgence to forget the complete lack of companionship. It also makes you forget the things you enjoy. Like writing, playing music. The dying of hand eye coordination.
To fight this abuse, you need support. In its absence, you need tremendous control, and hold on to the memory of loss; the loss of friends, money, pleasure in music or sunrises. Your losses are what started all this mess, your losses are why you now want to stop. And you would need a lot of distractions to fill the time, to stop obsessing about not having a drink every minute. The fallout of trying to quit is the clarity of nightmares... which makes it so hard. Especially if the reason for drinking is to have a dreamless sleep (or the feeling of it).
The idea is to take it one hour at a time. For distractions, I now have a new playlist. Songs are analyzed, lyrics are memorized, and practiced.
Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby...
Boy, you're gonna carry that weight,
Carry that weight a long time...
Forever, most probably. But it is time to start fighting for things that matter.
Why do people use drugs or alcohol as a litmus test to pass judgement on someone's behavior? Is it fair to use these substances as the casting vote for a character test when it's a fact that they have a detrimental effect on a person?
Guess if you are a kinder, better person when you are high. Though the possibility of that is slim if such a possibility exists at all.
I believe the worst drug there is is alcohol. Because it is legitimate, socially acceptable, and it actually kills brain cells. In addition to ruining relationships. Which leads to further indulgence to forget the complete lack of companionship. It also makes you forget the things you enjoy. Like writing, playing music. The dying of hand eye coordination.
To fight this abuse, you need support. In its absence, you need tremendous control, and hold on to the memory of loss; the loss of friends, money, pleasure in music or sunrises. Your losses are what started all this mess, your losses are why you now want to stop. And you would need a lot of distractions to fill the time, to stop obsessing about not having a drink every minute. The fallout of trying to quit is the clarity of nightmares... which makes it so hard. Especially if the reason for drinking is to have a dreamless sleep (or the feeling of it).
The idea is to take it one hour at a time. For distractions, I now have a new playlist. Songs are analyzed, lyrics are memorized, and practiced.
Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby...
Boy, you're gonna carry that weight,
Carry that weight a long time...
Forever, most probably. But it is time to start fighting for things that matter.
Friday, October 07, 2011
mind games
The mind is a funny thing. The more we crave for change, the more our heads resist, resorting to conjuring images and sounds of the past, stuff we want to put behind us. Memories are surprising, it jumps at you when you least expect it. An 'onslaught'. Now that's a word that feels just right. From the Dutch 'aanslag', to slay. Memories do that. They do that. Always violent, even the good ones bring you to tears. Especially the good ones. Deceptive shape-shifters too, they erase, modify parts and bring up a whole new thing you think are yours. They are and aren't all at the same time.
Why do walks down the pier bring to mind bright orange-fire sunsets on the Corniche? I've never seen sunsets like that before or since.
And why do memories of sunsets lead to memories of long drives through the desert to Ruwais or Al Liwa and you wonder if you were seeing things - were those sand dunes or a brown river?
Why does early fall in New York remind you of specific December mornings in Bangalore, sipping a filter coffee under a jacaranda tree?
Why does staring at an aisle full of Pepperidge white, whole wheat, challah breads, and the umpteen other brands and types create a longing for a time when buying bread was simple? All you had to do was tag along with mom as she threw a Modern Bakery's white sandwich bread, and Lupark Danish butter. Not the million varieties of Landolakes - salted, unsalted, sticks, cubes, quarts, spreadable (spreadable?? sounds like a STD) etc..And what's with that american indian mascot on the package? (I first thought it was a picture of Nataraj. Now I remember to wear my glasses when I go shopping).
See what violence memories induced by grocery shopping cause to the gut?
Anyway, tonight seems to be the night for memories, memories that a few glasses of whiskey awakens, and a bottle of vodka hopes to put to rest. But don't discount the music. Just compound the memories as the night grows older.
Brain Damage, Coming Back To Life, Fallen, Ordinary World, No More I Love Yous, Nothin' Else Matters, the list seems endless, and the images... i should stop. dammit I still have demons in my room at night... and they're feeding on my resistance.
It's going to be a really long night.
Why do walks down the pier bring to mind bright orange-fire sunsets on the Corniche? I've never seen sunsets like that before or since.
And why do memories of sunsets lead to memories of long drives through the desert to Ruwais or Al Liwa and you wonder if you were seeing things - were those sand dunes or a brown river?
Why does early fall in New York remind you of specific December mornings in Bangalore, sipping a filter coffee under a jacaranda tree?
Why does staring at an aisle full of Pepperidge white, whole wheat, challah breads, and the umpteen other brands and types create a longing for a time when buying bread was simple? All you had to do was tag along with mom as she threw a Modern Bakery's white sandwich bread, and Lupark Danish butter. Not the million varieties of Landolakes - salted, unsalted, sticks, cubes, quarts, spreadable (spreadable?? sounds like a STD) etc..And what's with that american indian mascot on the package? (I first thought it was a picture of Nataraj. Now I remember to wear my glasses when I go shopping).
See what violence memories induced by grocery shopping cause to the gut?
Anyway, tonight seems to be the night for memories, memories that a few glasses of whiskey awakens, and a bottle of vodka hopes to put to rest. But don't discount the music. Just compound the memories as the night grows older.
Brain Damage, Coming Back To Life, Fallen, Ordinary World, No More I Love Yous, Nothin' Else Matters, the list seems endless, and the images... i should stop. dammit I still have demons in my room at night... and they're feeding on my resistance.
It's going to be a really long night.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)