The Black Hole

People think depression means a diminished capacity to feel. It is in fact a heightened sense of reality. A certain look, a word, the silence, everybloodything means something, it is a virtual flooding of the neural circuits - to the point of shorting the mains. And since your brains can't blow up completely, certain functions get affected, and it seems most of the time it is the motor function. Ever wonder why when you are depressed you get these amazing thoughts (ok depressive ones, but oh so expressive), but you just can't write them down?

It is a constant state of being... on. Something. Sleep is impossible with all that sensory information overload. Even emptiness (or what people confuse with an absence of feeling) is an actual abyss, with color (pitch black) and sound (silent). The apathy results from being overwhelmed, so you lie in bed all day and night. Or if it hits you while you were on your feet, you keep walking till you collapse. If you were working, you will keep at it. Nothing spectacular will happen, just a vague tiredness. Thoughts never translate to words, or actions. If you try, it's slurred speech, shuffling feet.

And sometimes this...

The trick is to keep moving on that plane where there's a slight dip in the intensity, just enough so you don't lose the feeling, and you can pick up a pen and write (or whatever works) about it at the same time. The trickier part is to stay sane while embracing madness. But isn't madness just too much sanity? 

Yes, confusions and bad judgements are some side-effects. Please talk to your doctor before deciding to stay in the hole.