The American Dream

...is a bloody fucking nightmare from which you never really wake up. You spend the "good years" doing everything to stay here, as a student, then finding a job both not worth the time you put into it, and well below what you are actually qualified for, work insane hours cuz of some warped sense of obligation...ooh for your "good luck" that someone actually was willing to sponsor you. Then when you've had it, bargain with the same devils just so you can stay. And for what?? To be let down. The great dream? This is no dream.

But you can't go back. Correction. You don't want to go back. Because there is nothing for you where you came from. Not that you have something here. Nothing here. Nothing there. But the nothing there is compounded by a lack of life, freedom and security.

Is there more life, freedom and security here? Yes. Well, at least in the city. Now if the comparison were between a one-horse town (or NJ or American suburbia) and back there, I'd choose back there. Or would I? That is something I don't know anymore. At this instant, I want to stay here.

Any other place? Sure, but I'm too old to start over. And too young to be this tired.

It's all for naught.

There's just no time left.

i've not been feeling anything lately
words take forever to appear on strange sheets
i can't seem to dream anymore
but that means no nightmares too
ain't that just fine?
it's all good.